- meaningless self indulgences.
- feeling sorry for myself.
- feelings of bitterness and envy.
- lying to myself and others
- compulsive behavior
This was many years in the making. It wasn't like everything was fine one day and the next day this all happened. It crept into my life slowly bit by bit. I kept it together pretty good on the surface but underneath I knew I was a fraud. I really thought I was a nice guy deep down but the fruit in my life was unripe and sour grapes. I was mean to those I cared about and I felt like the only right person. Everything and everyone was inferior and a nuisance. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't mean all the time and I didn't do everything wrong but I was a jerk. That's a fact.
I know of people that have had terrible things happen to them that were not their fault but how they reacted to it was. In most cases people react rather than consult. They act selfish and assume no one knows what they are going through. That no one else has been in so much pain, discomfort, financial pressure, add your thing here as what they are going through at this moment. They often make a bad situation worse. They get angry and lash out. This is not how it should be. This is not how I wish to live.
I know a few people that have had terrible things happen to them that were not their fault and how they reacted to it was amazing. They dealt with their issues as best they could. They reached out for help. They faced up to the part they could face up to. They took steps to improve the situation as best they could. These people are role models of grace and I've learned valuable lessons from their plights.
I do my best to not be offensive in my Christian walk. I don't usually go out of my way to pick a fight. Funny thing is I started to write this blog several days ago and it is most relevant in an encounter I had on FB last night/this morning. Apparently I offended at least a couple of people with my take on a dialogue regarding the spiritual world. It was asserted I was stuffing the Bible down peoples throat when all I did was state what I believed to be true. It was also assumed I was angry and had "stuff" going on in my life. Truth is we all have stuff going on but really in my life things are good and I didn't feel angry at all. I like to express ideas and offer opinions when they are being sought. I guess I can come across a little bombastic when really I am just passionate about what I believe. That can be the problem with email and the like. Face to face is so much better because you can't read the body language behind the words nor do you have a tone to feed off of. I'm not always going to be right and at the beginning of a discussion with someone I do my best to be open minded but there are core values that I have. There are many things I believe to be true and a few that I do know to be true.
Now when bad things happen I do my best to soldier on. To hate the sin and not the sinner. To accept the hand that's dealt me as it were and to make the best of the opportunity. Problems can be huge opportunities for growth. A closed door in one corner can lead to 3 others that open up. I look at where I am now versus 7 years ago and I think wow life is so much more worth living now. I don't have a lot of pressure or stress. When I do then I do my best to resolve it rather than run from it. I don't take on other peoples burden by myself and don't try to run their lives. If they want my help I am there and they know that but I can't nor wish to save people from themselves. Everyone has to make their own path straight, if I do it for them they learn nothing and will end up there again anyway. So I pray for them and intercede on their behalf. If they need to help carrying a heavy load(figuratively, not literally) I will lend a hand when it is sought out.
Today I rely on God. He is reliable and has all the wisdom I need and so much more. I know on my own, in my state of human reasoning that I will make bad decisions and lack good judgement. Just as my prior ways were many years in the making my walk with God has had its bumps too. My transformation is a work in progress but relying on God is a good place to start. Everyday I try to make it a good day and some days are better than others. May today be a good day for me and for you and God bless you!!