I'm 46, in my mind I don't feel 46. If I'm walking through a mall I'll encounter people and I'll see someone and I'll think, geez look at that old guy and then the realization comes that he's very close to my own age. Then I'll think, how can that be? Where did all the time go? I've been robbed!! Who is this middle aged man I see in the mirror?
Anyway, there are pros and cons to everything. I have very little to complain about. My health is good. I have a good vocation. I have been traveling several times the last couple of years. I have very little overhead and live a simple home life. My stress levels are always good. I love my imperfect church. I love my imperfect family. I love my imperfect life.
On some levels I wish I had a larger circle of close friends. On the other hand I do not like to be committed to so many activities that I don't have sufficient downtime. I enjoy alone time, and I mean enjoy it. If I don't have time to zone out and ponder then I am not happy. I guess that's to ages advantage, not trying to be something I'm not.
I am no longer trying to fit into a box that's not me, that I don't fit into. At one time if I caught a displeased look from a person I used to explain my actions and justify what I was doing in some vain attempt to please and/or impress other people. For the most part what other people think or don't think of your actions means nothing and comes to nothing. Most people have a slightly better attention span than a Nat and even if you did explain a situation they would only remember their first impression of the situation anyways so your words are wasted. So I save my breath now unless I am asked questions and someone is actually interested in hearing what I have to say. Discretion really is the better part of Valour!
So age has its advantages. Or at least I feel that way. I take more pleasure away from the simple things. I am not living my life in a way to please others. I am trying to live a God honouring life even if I do fall short from time to time. In certain ways I probably play it safe too much. However taking chances can have dire consequences. I believe I have a level of wisdom(not trying to be boastful because I know I have a lot still to learn) that age has afforded me. I have peace in my soul.
Now that being said. I have a lot of life left to live. I need to keep striving for more knowledge. I need to utilize the gifts God has given me for his purposes. I need to keep setting goals. I need to get a deeper connection to Jesus(10 years in and really I've barely scratched the surface). With wisdom and knowledge I do need to keep putting myself out there. Playing it safe is not what those of great faith do.
However levels of contentment and satisfaction are not necessarily bad things. Being happy is good. In fact in Ecclesiastes it is written: Being happy in your lot is a gift of God. So thank you Father for the gift my life is and thank you also for the adventures that await me. Even the ones I may not enjoy at the time.
Blessings!
No comments:
Post a Comment